I have to write more...

[stickerer18]

Hello everybody,
Yesterday i got my english-test back, it was a desaster .
But i love English, so i decided to start improving my English skills and therefore I wanna write more textes (British English). It would be very cool, if somebody could help me a litte bit with that.
So today i start with a text about a discussion about the advertising of Mc Donalds:

Hi everybody,
You are discussing "Mc Donalds and advertising" and I wanna give you my point of view.

A few days ago i read an article in the TIME about Mc Donalds. They made a test and the result was young people like Mc Donalds food more than other fast food. Not because of the taste, they packed the food in white bags and in bags with a Mc Donalds logo on it and the bags with the Mc Donalds logo won all the time. Fore sure that has all to do with the marketing strategy of Mc Donalds, making young children to their customers.
The whole advertising is aimed on young children. That´s very clever of Mc Donalds, because they influence their parents and when the get older, they also keep customers of Mc Donalds and in the future their children will get too.
And there is one more big advantage: Young children believe nearly everything what you tell them, if you get their attention. And that is what Mc Donalds do. In every commercial are a lot of colours, there is the happy clown Ronald Mc Donald, ... . And if you visit a Mc Donalds restaurant it is the same thing in blue. There are balloons and little toys for children, a playground and even an extra room for birthday parties.
You see Mc Donalds makes use of the needs of young children only to make profit.

I think this strategy of advertising is disgusting and it should be forbidden to aim advertising on young children in this extreme way like Mc Donalds does. Children should not become products of companies.

Yours,
stickerer18.

[Insanoflex]

Hello everybody,
Yesterday I (always capitalized) got my english-test back, it was a desaster .
But I love English, so I decided to start improving my English skills and therefore I wanna write more textes (British English). It would be very cool, if somebody could help me a litte bit with that.
So today I start with a text about a discussion about the advertising of Mc Donalds:

Hi everybody,
You are discussing "Mc Donalds and advertising" and I wanna give you my point of view.

A few days ago I read an article in the TIME Magazine about Mc Donalds. They made a test (or conducted a survey) and the result was that young people like Mc Donalds food more than other fast food. Not because of the taste, they packed the food in white bags and in bags with a Mc Donalds logo on it and the bags with the Mc Donalds logo won all the time. I am sure that has all to do with the marketing strategy of Mc Donalds, making young children into their customers.
The whole advertising is aimed at young children. That´s very clever of Mc Donalds, because they influence the children's (It's best to use pronouns sparringly) parents and when the children get older, they also stay customers of Mc Donalds and in the future their children will get too.
And there is one more big advantage: Young children believe nearly everything of what you tell them, if you get their attention. And that is what Mc Donalds does (Nouns like this are considered singular. There is only one McDonalds Corporation, but if you meant three stores, then you would use the plural). In every commercial are a lot of colours, there is the happy clown, Ronald Mc Donald, ... . And if you visit a Mc Donalds restaurant it is the same thing in blue. There are balloons and little toys for children, a playground and even an extra room for birthday parties.
You see Mc Donalds makes use of the needs of young children only to make profit.

I think this strategy of advertising is disgusting and it should be forbidden to aim advertising on young children in this extreme way like Mc Donalds does. Children should not become products of companies.

Yours,
stickerer18.

Just so you know, the words "gonna", "wanna" etc. are very casual, and usually aren't written unless you are sending a friend a casual email or something of that sort. So, why not? What does it do? It makes children want to go their. But it's still up to the parent to decide whether to go or not. When the children get older, then they have the choice as well. Yes, it is greedy, and I'm not sure I approve of this kind of advertising, but there really isn't anything wrong with it. Where I live, most of the commercials are aimed towards young adults (18-23 year olds), living with two other roommates in an apartment. There isn't anything wrong with it. Children can purchase things and influence parents (for whatever reason they can) to purchase certain thing, so why shouldn't advertising be allowed to be aimed at them?

[tiorthan]

My correction are in PINK (for mistakes) and GREEN (style):

Hello everybody,
Yesterday I (always capitalized) got my English test₁ back, it was a desaster .
But I love English, so I decided to start improving my English skills and therefore I wanna write more textes (British English). It would be very cool, if somebody could help me a litte bit with that.
So today I start with a text about₂ a discussion about the advertising of Mc Donalds:

Hi everybody,
You are discussing "Mc Donalds and advertising" and I wanna give you my point of view.

A few days ago I read an article in the TIME Magazine about Mc Donalds. They made a test (or conducted a survey) and the result was that young people like Mc Donalds food more than other fast food. Not because of the taste, they packed the food in white bags and in bags with a Mc Donalds logo on it and the bags with the Mc Donalds logo won all the time. I am sure this is a result of the marketing strategy of Mc Donalds, making young children into their customers.
The whole advertising is aimed at young children. That´s very clever of Mc Donalds, because they influence the children's (It's best to use pronouns sparringly) parents and when the children get older, they also stay customers of Mc Donalds and in the future their children will get too.
And there is one more big advantage: Young children believe nearly everything of what you tell them, if you get their attention. And that is what Mc Donalds does (Nouns like this are considered singular. There is only one McDonalds Corporation, but if you meant three stores, then you would use the plural). In every commercial there are a lot of colours, there is the happy clown, Ronald Mc Donald, ... . And if you visit a Mc Donalds restaurant it is the same thing in blue₃. There are balloons and little toys for children, a playground and even an extra room for birthday parties.
You see Mc Donalds makes use of the needs of young children only to make profit.

I think this strategy of advertising is disgusting and it should be forbidden to aim advertising on young children in this extreme way like Mc Donalds does. Children should not become products of companies.

Yours,
stickerer18.

Just so you know, the words "gonna", "wanna" etc. are very casual, and usually aren't written unless you are sending a friend a casual email or something of that sort. So, why not? What does it do? It makes children want to go there. But it's still up to the parent to decide whether to go or not. When the children get older, then they have the choice as well. Yes, it is greedy, and I'm not sure I approve of this kind of advertising, but there really isn't anything wrong with it. Where I live, most of the commercials are aimed towards young adults (18-23 year olds), living with two other roommates in an apartment. There isn't anything wrong with it. Children can purchase things and influence parents (for whatever reason they can) to purchase certain thing, so why shouldn't advertising be allowed to be aimed at them?

1 - Names – including the names of languages – are always capitalized and you don't use hyphens in regular words unless the word is regularly spelled with a hyphen or in so-called compound modifiers. A compound modifier consists of multiple words that together modify another word. For example "a soft furred cat" is a cat that is soft and furred while "a soft-furred cat" has a soft furr.

Namen – einschließlich der Namen von Sprachen – werden immer groß geschrieben, und man verwendet keine Bindestriche, außer wenn das Wort regulär mit einem Bindestrich geschrieben wird, oder wenn es sich um einen sogenannten Compound Modifier handelt. Ein Compound Modifier besteht aus mehreren Wörtern die gemeinsam ein anderes Wort verändern. Zum Beispiel, "a soft furred cat" ist eine Katze, die weich und pelzig ist, während "a soft-furred cat" eine Katze mit weichem Pelz ist.

2 - A style advice: In long sentences leave out the obvious. (Text is what we expect on a forum.) Every additional word you write makes your sentences more complicated and thus more difficult to read (slightly) and it introduces additional room for mistakes.

Ein Stilhinweis: Lass in langen Sätzen die offensichtlichen Dinge weg. (Text ist das, was wir hier im Forum normalerweise erwarten.) Jedes zusätzliche Wort, das du verwendest, macht deinen Text komplexer und dadurch (ein klein wenig) schwieriger zu lesen, und es eröffnet eine zusätzliche Möglichkeit Fehler zu machen.

3 - I'm not really sure if this works the same way in English as it does in German. There is a German idiom "das Gleiche in grün" meaning: Even though it looks differently on the outside it is essentially the same thing.
There is an English idiom of the same meaning "same difference" though.

Ich weiß nicht, ob das auf Englisch genauso funktioniert wie auf Deutsch. Es gibt eine Redewendung auf deutsch "das Gleiche in grün" mit der Bedeutung: Obwohl es äußerlich verschieden ist, ist es doch eigentlich das Gleiche.
Es gibt allerdings eine Englische Redewendung mit der gleichen Bedeutung "same difference".

[Gamerica]

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Please read "Me and Him" on missliterati!!and leave a comment!