I want my text to be corrected ;-)

[Schüler1996]

Hello,
my name is Robin and this is the first text i have written for this forum.
Im 15 years old and visit a "Gymnasium" , something like the german High School, in Mainz. I always enjoy learning English, because I really like the language and want to improve my speaking, writing and listening skills as good as possible. It would be great if somebody takes his time to correct my letters.If someone gives me some tips to improve my style it would be even greater, because the style will get more and more important in the coming years. I am in the tenth class, so i will have to choose my Leistungskurse in some months. English is together with Maths my favorite subject, so I will propably choose English as a LK.
I try to improve my English by reading some books, watching english movies and of course with the English lessons in school.Right now I am reading the 5th part of the english fantasy row "Game of Thrones" which is written in a pretty hard English, a lot harder than the books I usually read, Harry Potter or Books of Nick Hornby for example. I listen to some English Podcasts too, the BBC 6 minutes English Podcast, which is especially made for foreign language speakers, helps a lot and is often interesting. I have made bad experiences with listening to Podcast made for native English speakers, the people there talk so fast and "slangy", that I am not able to understand even half of what they are saying.
Right, that shall it be for todays evening, I hope my text was not too bad

Anmerkung: Ich will mein Englisch wirklich verbessern, es wäre also fantastisch wenn sich hier jemand mit dem Text auseinandersetzen würde und mir auch Tipps über den Stil gibt. Wenn es Möglichkeiten gibt, einen Satz durch treffendere Wortwahl oder einen anderen Satzbau ansprechender zu machen, schaue ich mir es sehr gerne an und werde versuchen, Tipps in weiteren Texten, am besten hier im Forum, umzusetzen.
Tausend Dank schon mal im Voraus!!!

[Rickyy]

Hello,
My name is Robin and this is the first text wrote for this forum.
I'm 15 years old and visit a "Gymnasium" , something like the German High School, in Mainz. I always enjoyed learning English, because I really like the language and want to improve my speaking, writing and listening skills as good as possible. It would be great if somebody takes the time to correct my text. If someone gives me some advice to improve my style it would be even better, because the style will become more and more important in the coming years. I am in grade ten, so i will have to choose my Leistungskurse in some months. English and Maths are my favorite subjects, and I will propably choose English as a LK.
I try to improve my English by reading some books, watching english movies and of course with the English lessons in school. Right now I am reading the 5th part of the english fantasy series "Game of Thrones" which is written in a pretty hard English, a lot harder than the books I usually read, Harry Potter or Books of Nick Hornby for example. I listen to some English Podcasts too, the BBC 6 minutes English Podcast, which is especially made for foreign language speakers, helps a lot and is often interesting. I have made bad experiences with listening to Podcasts made for native English speakers, the people there talk so fast and "slangy", because of thatI am not able to understand even half of what they are saying.
Right, that shall it be for todays evening, I hope my text was not too bad. Soo, das wäre erstmal das gröbste...

Mir ist alles in allem stark aufgefallen dass du viele Germanismen (Deutsche Wörter in Englische übersetzen obwohl es ein anderes Wort dafür gibt) benutzt. Zum Beispiel "row" oder "tenth class". Wichtig ist außerdem, dass du Deutsche Schulsysteme oder allgemein Dinge die es in Englischsprachigen Ländern nicht gibt in deinen Texten erklärst... zum Beispiel Leistungskurse.
Ansonsten ist der Text alles in allem recht gut

Mit freundlichen Grüßen der Rickyy

[Delfino]

Hello,
My name is Robin and this is the first text I wrote for this forum.
I'm 15 years old and study at / attend classes at a "Gymnasium", something like a German High School, in Mainz.
I always enjoyed learning English, because I really like the language and want to improve my speaking, writing and listening skills as much as possible.
It would be great if somebody takes the time to correct my text.
If someone gives me some advice to improve my style it would be even better, because the style will become more and more important in the coming years.
I am in grade ten, so I will have to choose my Leistungskurse (LK) in some months.
English and Maths are my favorite subjects, and I will propably choose English as a LK.
I try to improve my English by reading some books, watching English movies and of course with the English lessons in school.
Right now I am reading the 5th volume of the English fantasy series "Game of Thrones" which is written in a pretty hard English.
It seems a lot harder than the books I usually read, Harry Potter or books by Nick Hornby, for example.
I listen to some English podcasts too.
The BBC's 6 minutes English podcast, which is especially made for foreign language speakers, helps a lot and is often interesting.
I have made bad experiences with listening to podcasts made for native English speakers, the people there talk to fast and use a lot of slang,
Therefore, I am not able to understand even half of what they are saying.
Right, that shall be it for (the evening) today.
I hope, my text was not too bad.

Leistungskurs
http://www.dict.cc/?s=Leistungskurs

Abkürzungen (Abk.) müssen eingeführt werden bevor du sie benutzt.

[Delfino]

Topic: I want my text to be corrected.

You are asking other people to use their spare time to help you.
Therefore, I would say it is essential to use the proper tone.

May kindly ask you to correct my text, please.
I would also appreciate any advice to improve my skills.

The English are very keen on such things too.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hello,

Da hast Du doch das eine oder andere übersehen, lieber Delfino. Ich gehe nochmal drüber, OK?!

My name is Robin and this is my first text I wrote for in this forum.
I'm 15 years old and study at / attend classes at a "Gymnasium" / grammar school, something likea German High School, in Mainz. (Schüler1996, willst Du auf das BrE raus oder das AmE? Im ersten Fall, nenne die Schule doch einfach "grammar school". Der Unterschied ist nicht so groß zum Englischen.)
I always enjoyed learning English, because I really like the language and want to improve my speaking, writing and listening skills as much as possible.
It would be great if somebody took the time to correct my text. (Hier ist ein wirklicher Patzer, auch im folgenden Satz. Bitte schau nochmal die Zeitenkombinationen der if-Sätze an. Es ist hier durchaus möglich, zwischen Typ I und Typ II zu wählen, aber die Kombination der Zeiten muss eingehalten werden, ja?!)
If someone gives me some advice to improve my style it will be even better, because the style will become more and more important in the coming years. (Oder If someone gave ..., it would be even better).
I am in grade ten, so I will have to choose my Leistungskurse (LK) in some months.
English and Maths are my favourite subjects, and I will probably choose English as an LK.
I try to improve my English by reading some books, watching English movies and of course with the English lessons in school.
Right now I am reading the 5th volume of the English fantasy series "Game of Thrones" which is written in a pretty hard English.
It seems a lot harder than the books I usually read, Harry Potter or books by Nick Hornby, for example.
I listen to some English podcasts too.
The BBC's 6 minutes English podcast, which is especially made for foreign language speakers, helps a lot and is often interesting.
I have made bad experiences with listening to podcasts made for native English speakers, the people there talk too fast and use a lot of slang.
Therefore, I am not able to understand even half of what they are saying.
Right, that shall be it for (the evening) today.
I hope, my text was not too bad.

Leistungskurs
http://www.dict.cc/?s=Leistungskurs

Abkürzungen (Abk.) müssen eingeführt werden bevor du sie benutzt.

Grüße
Duckduck