Bewerbungsanschreiben USA-Praktikum - Bitte um Korrektur

[Kone]

Hallo zusammen,


ich will ein Auslandspraktikum in den USA absolvieren und habe dazu ein Anschreiben verfasst.
Was mir jetzt fehlt, ist eine professionelle Korrektur und würde euch nun darum bitten, das
Anschreiben zu lesen und mir ein Feedback und Tipps zur Verbesserung zu geben bzw. mich
aufmerksam zu machen, wenn in euren Augen irgendetwas komplett fehlt. (grammatikalisch &
inhaltlich)
Muss ich genauer darauf eingehen, dass ich mich als Elektroingenieur auf ein Praktikum
als Umweltingenieur (Zulieferer Autoindustrie) bewerbe? Ich persönlich sehe dabei keine
großen Probleme, wollte aber eure allgemeine Meinung auch dazu hören, falls ihr da
eine Einschätzung abgeben könnt.

Schon mal DANKE an all die jenigen die mir helfen!!!




Dear Ms. _________

Application for an Internship in Environmental Engineering

I am writing in reply to your advertisement on your homepage for an industrial training as co-op student in Environmental Engineering. If possible, I would very much like to join [Amerikanische Firma] to do the internship for 6 months in the period from April 2012 to September 2012.

At present I am a sixth-semester Electrical Engineering and Information Technology student at the [Stadt] University of Applied Sciences with major in General Electrical Engineering. During the next semester I will write my Bachelor thesis simultaneously to the lectures for my final exams. Before starting the consecutive Masters program in the WS 2012 / 2013, I wish to attend an internship in the United States.

I worked already at [Mutterkonzern] during my three years of vocational training and five months as an intern, therefore I have some imagination of the corporate philosophy. Since my apprenticeship I worked continuously with MS Office and learned to handle with Visual Basic basically. Naturally I have a well-structured and reliable method of operation. Additionally I want to improve my professional and interdisciplinary knowledge in the professional working environment of [US Firma]. I gathered my first international work experiences at [Tochtergesellschaft in Europa] and to deepen them I want to support your team, too.

For more detailed information, I enclose my Résumé and my latest testimonials with this letter. I will be very pleased to let you have additional information if you require it.

I am looking forward to your invitation to an interview.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

// Ist rot oder grün besser als letzter Absatz?


Yours sincerely




Kone ______

Encl.Application portfolio

[Delfino]

Muss ich genauer darauf eingehen, dass ich mich als Elektroingenieur auf ein Praktikum als Umweltingenieur (Zulieferer Autoindustrie) bewerbe?
Ich persönlich sehe dabei keine großen Probleme, weil... [ich x und y schon hier und dort getan/gelernt habe etc. ].

Dear Ms. Zzz,

Internship in Environmental Engineering

I am applying for the above position, which I saw advertised on your website. I would welcome
the opportunity to join your [xy] team at [Amerikanische Firma] for a 6 months internship preferably
from April to September 2012.

At present I am in the third year of my studies in Electrical Engineering and Information Technology
at the [Stadt] University of Applied Sciences with a major in General Electrical Engineering. During
the next semester I am going to write my bachelor thesis while continuing to attend the lectures for
my final exams. Before starting the consecutive Masters program in the winter term 2012/13, I plan
to complete an internship in the United States.

I worked at [Mutterkonzern] during my three years of vocational training and five months as an intern.
(maybe more details, resulting qualification, name of position?)
Therefore I have an understanding of the corporate philosophy.

I am reliable and approaching tasks in a well-structured way is natural for me. Additionally, I am
always working to improve myself in every aspect of my personal and professional life. After my
apprenticeship I continued to work with MS Office and learned to use Visual Basic to [simplify tasks].
I gained my first international work experience at [Tochtergesellschaft in Europa] and would like to
built on that by supporting your team too. Although I think, my qualifications make me well suited
to the projects within your department I am hoping to gain further professional and interdisciplinary
knowledge in the professional working environment of [US Firma].

For more detailed information, I enclosed my résumé and references for your review. They provide
more details about my experiences, skills and abilities. Please do not hesitate to contact me, if you
have any questions or require additional information.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.


Yours sincerely,

Xyz Kone

"an industrial training as co-op student in environmental engineering" Hast du diese Formulierung so in der Anzeige gefunden?


I am looking forward to your invitation to an interview. Dies würde eine Einladung zum Vorstellungsgespräch vorraussetzen und das kannst du nicht wissen.

Thank you for considering my application and I am looking forward to meeting you
should you decide to call me for an interview.

[Kone]

Hallo,

habe den rot markierten Absatz wie nachfolgend zu sehen angepasst. Könnte man das im Grunde so stehen lassen?

Noch was anderes. Kann mir jemand sagen, wann in Amerika spring, fall und summer session ist? Bewerbe mich
ja für die spring session, nachdem ich mit meiner bachelorarbeit vermutlich bis ende märz zu tun haben werde und
nicht gleich nach abgabe meiner arbeit in den flieger steigen will. Also nicht falsch verstehen, ich will schon, aber
wenn am ende unvorhersehbare verzögerungen eintreten, dann steh ich doch ziemlich doof da, kann ja die arbeit
schlecht in den usa fertigschreiben und abgeben. Deshalb wollt´ ich von den Profis wissen, ob als starttermin der
1. mai auch in frage kommen könnte (als spring session)? summer session bieten die nämlich keine praktikumsplätze
an (steht auf der homepage)

Dear Ms. Zzz,

Internship in Environmental Engineering

I am applying for the above position, which I saw advertised on your website. I would welcome
the opportunity to join your [xy] team at [Amerikanische Firma] for a 6 months internship preferably
from April to September 2012.

At present I am in the third year of my studies in Electrical Engineering and Information Technology
at the [Stadt] University of Applied Sciences with a major in General Electrical Engineering. During
the next semester I am going to write my bachelor thesis while continuing to attend the lectures for
my final exams. Before starting the consecutive Masters program in the winter term 2012/13, I plan
to complete an internship in the United States.

I worked at [Mutterkonzern] during my three years of vocational training and five months as an intern.
(maybe more details, resulting qualification, name of position?)
Therefore I have an understanding of the corporate philosophy.

I am reliable and approaching tasks in a well-structured way is natural for me. Additionally, I am
always working to improve myself in every aspect of my personal and professional life. After my
apprenticeship I continued to work with MS Office and learned to use Visual Basic to [simplify tasks].
I gained my first international work experience at [Tochtergesellschaft in Europa] and would like to
built on that by supporting your team too. Although I think, my qualifications make me well suited
to the projects within your department I am hoping to gain further professional and interdisciplinary
knowledge in the professional working environment of [US Firma].

For more detailed information, I enclosed my résumé and references for your review. They provide
more details about my experiences, skills and abilities. Please do not hesitate to contact me, if you
have any questions or require additional information.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.


Yours sincerely,

Xyz Kone

I worked at[Mutterkonzern]during my three years of vocational training to learn all
skills for an Electronic Technician for Industrial Engineering. Furthermore I supported
at[Mutterkonzern]the R&D department of Electrical Engineering as an intern for 5 months.
Therefore I have an understanding of the corporate philosophy.

"an industrial training as co-op student in environmental engineering" Hast du diese Formulierung so in der Anzeige gefunden?

Hab ich nicht so in der Anzeige gefunden, aber in meiner Unterlagen diese "Vorlage" gefunden. Aber im
nachhinein muss ich dir recht geben, ziemlich dürftiger Ausdruck, da klingt deine Variante schon
eleganter, Delfino

Gruß Kone

[Delfino]

I worked at [Mutterkonzern] during my three years of vocational training to become an Electronic Technician for Industrial Engineering.
Furthermore, I supported the R&D activities in electrical engineering (at [Mutterkonzern]) as an intern for an additional 5 months.
Therefore, I have a good understanding of the corporate philosophy.

[Kone]

Danke Delfino für deine Hilfe, werd´ jetzt mal meine Unterlagen wegschicken.
Drückt mir die Daumen!!

Gruß Kone