Korrekturlesen ( letter of motivation)

[Schilly]

Hallo zusammen,

ich möchte mich an einer niederländischen Hochschule bewerben und muss dafür ein Motivationsschreiben verfassen.
(der Studiengang: Media and Entertainment Management)

Ich würde mich sehr freuen, wenn jemand sich bereiterklären würde für mich die Korrekturlesung zu machen. Habe den Text mittlerweile schon 100 Mal gelesen, und weiß einfach nicht wo noch Fehler vorhanden sind. Freue mich über jeden Verbesserungsvorschlag.

Vielen lieben Dank,

Schilly

Dear Lady or Sir,

I hereby apply for the program "Media and Entertainment Management at the "NHTV Breda University of Applied Science "at the beginning of the fall semester in 2011.

Currently I am living in Wesel, Germany, and graduated from commercial high school in 2008. One of my advanced courses dealt with business administration and accountancy and gave me the idea of studying “Media and Entertainment Management”.
This notion came up the first time through a team project in the commercial high school´s 12^th year. Every team was in charge of the project´s concept, advertisement, sponsorship and presentation.
The team I worked in chose the realization of a “band contest” and I recognized that I was completely absorbed in this team project. It was fun for me to work in a small team, whether to find a solution for a problem or just being creative together.
I also had the opportunity to organize the prom for my graduating class in 2008 and another two events in the field of dance. Every single event was (a) pleasure for me and enhanced the curiosity for the media and entertainment branch.

Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to see your University of Applied Science in person though I have been able to find plenty aspects that attract me to study in Breda online.
Particularly the mADE- HOUSE website is most appealing to me and the fact that the students have the chance to work on real assignments for real clients is a truly good way to show them what they are going to do in the near future. This teaching method is what I miss at german universities and also is the main reason for choosing a Dutch university. Working in small groups, the close contact to the professors and students from around the world convinces me that I want to be a part of the NHTV in Breda.

Living in the Netherlands causes no difficulty for me, given that I lived and worked for two years in Australia, and became more mature and self confident through the life apart from familiar surroundings. I like to learn with and from people from foreign cultures with different mentalities and hope that I cannot only improve my English but also learn another foreign language.
Concerning my future career I intend to achieve the Bachelor of Science, afterwards it is my aim to work in an international company, such as an entertainment agency or television station.
I am confident that the Bachelor's programme in Media and Entertainment Management offered by NHTV Breda- University of Applied Science will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams.
Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your response.
Yours faithfully,

[Delfino]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for the International Media and Entertainment Management programme at the NHTV Breda University of Applied Science beginning in fall 2011.

Currently I am living in Wesel, Germany, where I graduated from a commercial high school in 2008.
One of my advanced courses dealt with business administration and accountancy and inspired me to study “International Media and Entertainment Management”.
I had the idea for the first time during a team project in the commercial high school's 12th year.
Every team was in charge of its own project's concept, advertisement, sponsorship and presentation.
The team I worked in chose the realization of a “band contest” and I recognized that I was completely absorbed by this team project.
It was fun for me to work in a small team, whether to find a solution for a problem or just being creative together.
I enjoyed working on every event and my interest in the media and entertainment industry is higher than ever before.

Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to visit your University.
Though I have been able to find plenty aspects that attract me to study in Breda.
The mADE- HOUSE website in particular is most appealing to me.
Especially the fact that the students have the chance to work on real assignments for real clients.
It is a really good opportunity to gain work experience for their future.
This is what I miss most at German universities and it is also the main reason for choosing a Dutch university.
Working in small groups, the close contact to the professors and students from around the world convinced me.
So I want to be a part of the NHTV in Breda.

Living in the Netherlands will not cause any difficulty for me, because I lived and worked in Australia for (the last) two years.
Which allowed me to become more mature and self confident by living far away from familiar surroundings.
I like to meet and learn from foreign people with different cultures and mentalities.
Besides improving my English skills I would also like learn another foreign language. ( How about Dutch? ... )

After achieving my bachelor's degree I am aiming for work in an entertainment agency or a tv station.
I am confident that the Bachelor's programme in Media and Entertainment Management offered by your university will provide me the skills, knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams.
Thank you very much for considering my request.

I am looking forward to your response.

Yours faithfully,

Use shorter sentences.


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