Hallo,
so hier auch nochmal ein Text von mir zur Kriminalität. Gemeint sind hierbei die Gründe der Kriminalität. Also Überschrift könnte heissen "What causes crime?". Was haltet ihr davon, was muss berichtigt werden?? Über den Schluss bin ich mir nicht schlüssig. Habt ihr vielleicht noch ein oder zwei Sätze als Anregung? Danke schonmal im Voraus an alle die sich damit auseinandersetzen.
The world is not the way it was. At one time people could sleep with their windows up and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows. One major reason is today´s consumer society offers so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult one parents family background have create an underclass of people. A long time ago teenagers were loyal, respectful, and helpful to their parents, but not anymore. Today's teens live their own lives. These teens drink, do drugs, steal and murder. This is how gangs are formed. A gang is a group of criminals or hoodlums who band together for mutual protection and profit. These gangs are the greatest cause of crime in the world today because they participate in frivolous act in order to survive.
Grüße BAM
Bitte um Korrektur es geht um Kriminalität - Danke -
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Catman
Re: Bitte um Korrektur es geht um Kriminalität - Danke -
Hi,
Ich schreib mal kommentare mittein rein.
The world is not the way it was. At one time [A long time ago, in former times] people could sleep with their windows up [open] and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows. One major reason is today´s consumer society [that oder offering] offers so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. [inhaltich fragwürdig] Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult one parents [single parents, broken home] family background have create [d] an underclass of people[hier schmeiße du ziemlich viel zusammen - single parents würde ich in dem zusammenhang nicht als Grund nennen]. A long time ago teenagers were loyal, respectful, and helpful to their parents [liegt aber wenn eher daran, dass sich die Gesellschaft verändert und der Erziehungsstiel, von autoritär zu demokratisch, also kinder werden nicht mehr gezwungen so zu sein. Aber das sie es nicht sind würde ich auch so nicht unterschreiben], but not anymore. Today's teens live their own lives[was meiner Meinung nach etwas positives ist]. These teens drink, do drugs, steal and murder. [stimmt nicht] This is how gangs are formed.[ Gangs gibt es überwiegend nur in armen Stadtvierteln in den Vereinigten Staaten oder in 3. Welt Ländern und ist sind sicher nicht representativ für die Jugend von heute- dein Text klingt aber so-oft bestehen gangs aus Minderheiten/ Immigranten]
A gang is a group of criminals or hoodlums who band together for mutual protection and profit. These gangs are the greatest cause of crime in the world today because they participate in frivolous act in order to survive.
Dein Text ist inhaltlich sehr fragwürdig.
Gruß
Andy
Ich schreib mal kommentare mittein rein.
The world is not the way it was. At one time [A long time ago, in former times] people could sleep with their windows up [open] and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows. One major reason is today´s consumer society [that oder offering] offers so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. [inhaltich fragwürdig] Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult one parents [single parents, broken home] family background have create [d] an underclass of people[hier schmeiße du ziemlich viel zusammen - single parents würde ich in dem zusammenhang nicht als Grund nennen]. A long time ago teenagers were loyal, respectful, and helpful to their parents [liegt aber wenn eher daran, dass sich die Gesellschaft verändert und der Erziehungsstiel, von autoritär zu demokratisch, also kinder werden nicht mehr gezwungen so zu sein. Aber das sie es nicht sind würde ich auch so nicht unterschreiben], but not anymore. Today's teens live their own lives[was meiner Meinung nach etwas positives ist]. These teens drink, do drugs, steal and murder. [stimmt nicht] This is how gangs are formed.[ Gangs gibt es überwiegend nur in armen Stadtvierteln in den Vereinigten Staaten oder in 3. Welt Ländern und ist sind sicher nicht representativ für die Jugend von heute- dein Text klingt aber so-oft bestehen gangs aus Minderheiten/ Immigranten]
A gang is a group of criminals or hoodlums who band together for mutual protection and profit. These gangs are the greatest cause of crime in the world today because they participate in frivolous act
Dein Text ist inhaltlich sehr fragwürdig.
Gruß
Andy
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BAM
Re: Bitte um Korrektur es geht um Kriminalität - Danke -
Hallo Andy,
hmm also ich denke wenn ich Berlin Kreuzberg anschaue oder andere Viertel hier in good old Germany nimmt das schon Gestalt an wie in wie du sagt den Vereinigten Staaten. Also ich denke so ganz unrecht habe ich nicht.
Hier der berichtigte Text:
The world is not the way it was. In former times people could sleep with their windows open and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows. One major reason is today´s consumer society offering so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult broken home family background have created an underclass of people who feel that society has given them a bad deal. A long time ago teenagers were loyal, respectful, and helpful to their parents, but not anymore. Today's teens live their own lives. Some teens drink, do drugs, steal and murder. This is how gangs are formed. A gang is a group of criminals, hoodlums or rioters who band together for mutual protection and profit. These gangs are the greatest cause of crime in the world today because they participate in frivolous acts in order to survive.
Also was meint ihr. ich denke mir fehlt immer noch ein kleiner Abschluss Satz.
Grüße BAM
hmm also ich denke wenn ich Berlin Kreuzberg anschaue oder andere Viertel hier in good old Germany nimmt das schon Gestalt an wie in wie du sagt den Vereinigten Staaten. Also ich denke so ganz unrecht habe ich nicht.
Hier der berichtigte Text:
The world is not the way it was. In former times people could sleep with their windows open and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows. One major reason is today´s consumer society offering so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult broken home family background have created an underclass of people who feel that society has given them a bad deal. A long time ago teenagers were loyal, respectful, and helpful to their parents, but not anymore. Today's teens live their own lives. Some teens drink, do drugs, steal and murder. This is how gangs are formed. A gang is a group of criminals, hoodlums or rioters who band together for mutual protection and profit. These gangs are the greatest cause of crime in the world today because they participate in frivolous acts in order to survive.
Also was meint ihr. ich denke mir fehlt immer noch ein kleiner Abschluss Satz.
Grüße BAM
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BAM
Re: Bitte um Korrektur es geht um Kriminalität - Danke -
Da ich die Korrekturen von Andy übernommen habe und sich auch hier keiner mehr zu Wort meldet denke ich das es keine Korrektur oder Einwände Eurerseits mehr gibt und werde ihn ebenso in meinen Arbeit übernehmen.
Grüße und einen schöne Woche
Mario
Grüße und einen schöne Woche
Mario
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BAM
Re: Bitte um Korrektur es geht um Kriminalität - Danke -
In der Kürze der Zeit habe ich das ganze doch nochmal umgehauen und mir Gedanken gemacht. Ich habe es etwas umgeschrieben. Was haltet ihr den davon?
The world is not the way it was. In former times people could sleep with their windows open and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows.
Each country in the world has some social problems which need to be fixed. One of these problems is crime.
One major reason is today´s consumer society offering so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult broken home family background have created an underclass of people who feel that society has given them a bad deal.
People do not have a stable job which helps them to pay everything in their lives such as foods, clothes, so they can not improve their lives. In conclusion, crime is a serious problem with some causes and negative effects on society. Possible solutions to this problem include educating criminal that can help people to improve their lives.
Hab das mit den Gangs rausgenommen. War vielleicht doch ein bisschen zu hoch für mich.
Bitte also nochmal um die Meinung des Forums ob man das so schreiben kann??
Danke
Grüße Mario
The world is not the way it was. In former times people could sleep with their windows open and doors unlocked. In today's society people have to lock their doors and close their windows.
Each country in the world has some social problems which need to be fixed. One of these problems is crime.
One major reason is today´s consumer society offering so many more things for people to want than ever before and more people want quicker ways getting them and that includes illegal ways. Unemployment, poverty and very often a difficult broken home family background have created an underclass of people who feel that society has given them a bad deal.
People do not have a stable job which helps them to pay everything in their lives such as foods, clothes, so they can not improve their lives. In conclusion, crime is a serious problem with some causes and negative effects on society. Possible solutions to this problem include educating criminal that can help people to improve their lives.
Hab das mit den Gangs rausgenommen. War vielleicht doch ein bisschen zu hoch für mich.
Bitte also nochmal um die Meinung des Forums ob man das so schreiben kann??
Danke
Grüße Mario