Essay - Bitte kurz drüberschauen ;)!

[Sandra_2010]

Hey Leute,

könnt ihr euch bitte meinen Aufsatz über Home-Shopping vs. Traditional Shopping anschauen und ggf. korrigieren. Wäre euch wirklich sehr dankbar dafür !

Lg, Sandra

 
Home-shopping vs. traditional shopping

Everybody knows it. It is Saturday morning and a lot of people are going to their favorite shopping mall or department store. Most of the time they needn’t anything but they have the urge to look around and shop. But nowadays many experts believe that sooner or later the supermarkets and stores have to close down because of the growing demand of home-shopping. Home-shopping means to buy goods from home for example on the internet, from catalogues, by TV, on the phone or by direct sale. Will the consumer behavior furthermore change so enormously and what are the effects of this change? Will we really do in the future all our shopping from home and so all supermarkets and stores have to close down?

If we take a look of the consumer behavior in the last few years, we can see especially a growing demand of online-shopping. But why has the use of online-shops increased so significantly? In my opinion the most important argument why online-shops become more popular is that they are very comfortable and flexible. The clients could buy products from home and around the clock. For example a mother could buy the newest clothes while she takes care of her children and cook something. Moreover they could compare prices and offers with a lot of other companies . This leads to a very strong competition between the retailers. In addition the users are able to buy goods from all over the world without travelling in other countries. The result is that the selection of different goods is much wider compared to the local stores or shopping malls. Nowadays we can really buy anything on the internet, e.g. holiday trips, cars, books, clothes, electrical devices or even food. As we can see it there are a lot of advantages of online-shopping.

But on the other hand there are also many risks. The internet is full of viruses and hacker attacks, so online-shopping could be very unsafe. Furthermore there are also a few points for traditional shopping. If we go to a department store we could see the original good right now. Products look often very different on pictures on the internet compared to the original ones. Moreover thecustomers can fit the products on the spot. They can estimate which products fits. As a result you do not have to send it back and forth until you found the right size.Also there is no delivery-time, so the products are available immediately. Furthermore there are some goods, which need a professional consulting service, especially expensive goods or more complicated devices. Additionally many people go shopping because they want to go outside with their friends or their family to see something different as their everyday life. And so they have more fun by shopping in local stores or shopping malls as on the internet or by other kinds of home-shopping.

[karinne]

Everybody knows it. It is Saturday morning and a lot of people are going to their favorite shopping mall or department store. Most of the time they needn’tdon't need (needn't is very old-fashioned) anything, but they have the urge to look around and shop. But nowadays many experts believe that sooner or later the supermarkets and stores will have to close down because of the growing demand growth of home-shopping. Home-shopping means to buy is buying goods from home, for example on the internet, from catalogues, by TV, on the phone or by direct sale. Will the consumer behavior furthermoredo you mean "continue to?" change so enormously, and what are the effects of this change? Will we really do in the future all our shopping from home You have two options here. 1) In the future, will we really do all our shopping from home? 2) Will we really do all our shopping from home in the future. and socause all supermarkets and stores haveto close down? You could also say, "...and will all supermarkets and stores have to close down?"



If we take a look of the consumer behavior in the last few years, we can especially see especiallya growing demand of online-shopping. But why has the use ofonline-shops we call them online stores in America; I don't know whether the British call them shops increased so significantly? In my opinion, the most importantargument why reason that online-shops become more popular is that they are very comfortable and flexible. The clients could buy products from home and around the clock. For example, a mother could buy the newest clothes while she takes care of her children and cooks something. Moreover, they(this pronoun needs an antecedent! otherwise you could just say "people" ) couldcan compare prices and offers with a lot of other companies (You're not comparing prices to companies, you're comparing one company's price to another company's price ). This leads to a very strong competition betweenamong (use between for two things - for example: that's the difference between you and me - and 'among' for three or more things, for example, "the five musicians were among the best in the world") the retailers. In addition, theusers are able to buy goods from all over the world without travelling into other countries. The result is that the selection of different goods is much wider compared to the local stores or shopping malls. Nowadays we can really buy anything on the internet, e.g. holiday trips, cars, books, clothes, electrical devices or even food. As we can see, it there are a lot of advantages of online-shopping.


But on the other hand there are also many risks. The internet is full of viruses and hacker attacks, so online-shopping could be very unsafe. Furthermore, there are also a few points for good points to traditional shopping. If we go to a department store we could see the original good right now. Products lookoften look very different on in pictures on the internet compared to the original ones. Moreover, the customers can fit the products do you mean "try products (clothes) on?" on the spot. They can estimate which products fits. As a resultyou they (I only changed this because in the previous sentence you used "they") do not have to send it back and forth until you they found find the right size. Also there is no delivery-time, so the products are available immediately. Furthermore there are some goods, which that need a professional consulting service, especially expensive goods or more complicated devices. Additionally, many people go shopping because they want to go outside with their friends or their family to see something different as than their everyday life. And so they have more fun by shopping in local stores or shopping mallsas than on the internet or by other kinds of home-shopping.

Not many mistakes! Just remember, every time you use phrases like "in addition," "moreover," "furthermore," "in any case," "because of this," etc. you also use a comma.

Let me know if there's anything I can explain.