Bitte um Korrektur und Meinung, Danke :-)

[kakni]

Es geht um eine Bewerbung für ein Praktikumsplatz im Krankenhaus in England, fürs Medizinstuium


Application for a clinical elective

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently studying human medicine at the University of xyz, in my 9th semester in Germany. For the conclusion of my studies, I am required to attend a 4-month work placement in a hospital. I have already done 60days in different disciplines like geriatric medicine, gynecology and obstetrics and traumatology in diverse hospitals in Germany.
I am especially interested in internal medicine, so I would like to apply for a clinical elective from 01.0X.2011 to 30.0X.2011 in your institution.

I have already working knowledge for 10 years. Additionally I visited a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate for an elective.
In 2005, I completed my Abitur (university entrance diploma) at a grammar school, which is approximate equivalent to the British A-level.
The emphasis was on biology and German history.
After my Abitur I have started my training as an Assistant medical technician in x. But one year later I got my university place in human medicine in xyz.
There I have successfully passed my examinations in anatomy, biochemistry, physiology, physics, chemistry, biology, psychology and sociology, at the end of 4 semesters/ 2 years of studying medicine.
Searching for new I changed to the University of xyz.


I am an enrichment for your hospital because I have personal attributes like purposefulness, trustworthiness. Additional to my student job as a nursing assistant in Geriatrics, I have sense of responsibility and I am good and friendly with people.
I would like to meet new challenges and I am always open to learn new work methods.
Furthermore I am confident to live up your expectation.
That work placement is free of charge. Therefore I would not be financial burdened to your hospital.

I would like you to consider my application and would be pleased to work in your hospital. If you require any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me by phone or mail. I am looking forward to your replay.

Yours faithfully
xyz

Anhang ( Wie übersetze ich das Wort am besten?)

Curriculum Vitae
Transcript of records
Letter of recommendation
Language Certificate for German Applicants
Medical certificate on my practical work

[karinne]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently studying human medicine at the University of , in my 9th semester in Germany. Correct, but a better word order might be "I am currently studying human medicine at the University of _ in Germany. I'm in my ninth semester." Or "I am currently in my ninth semester studying human medicine at the University of __ in Germany." For the conclusion of my studies, I am required to attend a 4-month work placement in a hospital. I have already done 60 days in different disciplines like geriatric medicine, gynecology and obstetrics and traumatology in diverse diverse usually means racially or ethnically diverse. "various" works better here. hospitals in Germany.
I am especially interested in internal medicine, so I would like to apply for a clinical elective from 01.0X.2011 to 30.0X.2011 inat your institution.

I have already working knowledge for 10 years not sure what you mean by this sentence.... Additionally I visited a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate for an elective "In addition, I took a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate (and I don't know what an elective is in this case)".
In 2005, I completed my Abitur (university entrance diploma) at a grammar school, which is approximate equivalent to the British A-level.
The emphasis was on biology and German history.
After my Abitur I havestarted my training as an Assistant medical technician in x. Butone year later I got my university place in human medicine in .
ThereAt __, I havesuccessfully passed my examinations in anatomy, biochemistry, physiology, physics, chemistry, biology, psychology and sociology, at the end of after 4 semesters/ 2 years of studying medicine.
Searching for new I changed to the University of . Again, I'm not sure what you mean. After you passed your examinations, did you transfer to another university because you wanted a change?


I amwould be an enrichment forto your hospital because I have personal attributes like am purposefulness, trustworthiness trustworthy and determined. AdditionalIn addition to my student job as a nursing assistant in Geriatrics, I have sense of responsibility and I am good and friendlywith people.
I would like to meet new challenges and I am always open to learn new work methods.
Furthermore I am confident to I can live up to your expectations.
Thatmy work placement is free of charge, so I would not be financial burdened to your hospital.

I would like you to consider my application and would be pleased to work in your hospital. If you require any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me by phone or mail. I am looking forward to your replay.

Yours faithfully

I am very impressed by your English. My corrections are very specific because this is a professional, formal letter. Most corrections are not because your sentences were wrong, but because they were slightly awkward or not said in the most common way.

I would be happy to explain any corrections or make further corrections. Good luck!

[kakni]

Hi,
Really, Thanks a lot for the good corrections. In blue i have explained the sentences which are indeed a little bit confusing and thanks for the feedback.
Sure, i would be also very happy for further corrections.


Zitat:
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently studying human medicine at the University of , in my 9th semester in Germany. Correct, but a better word order might be "I am currently studying human medicine at the University of _ in Germany. I'm in my ninth semester." Or "I am currently in my ninth semester studying human medicine at the University of __ in Germany." For the conclusion of my studies, I am required to attend a 4-month work placement in a hospital. I have already done 60 days in different disciplines like geriatric medicine, gynecology and obstetrics and traumatology in diverse diverse usually means racially or ethnically diverse. "various" works better here. hospitals in Germany.
I am especially interested in internal medicine, so I would like to apply for a clinical elective from 01.0X.2011 to 30.0X.2011 inat your institution.

I have already working knowledge for 10 years not sure what you mean by this sentence.... (Oh here i wanted to say that i had english in school for ten years, but i think that is not so important, i think i will cancel this sentence) Additionally I visited a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate for an elective "In addition, I took a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate (and I don't know what an elective is in this case)". I mean the clinical elective
In 2005, I completed my Abitur (university entrance diploma) at a grammar school, which is approximate equivalent to the British A-level.
The emphasis was on biology and German history.
After my Abitur I havestarted my training as an Assistant medical technician in x. Butone year later I got my university place in human medicine in .
ThereAt __ Here i have to write the date, right?, I havesuccessfully passed my examinations in anatomy, biochemistry, physiology, physics, chemistry, biology, psychology and sociology, at the end of after 4 semesters/ 2 years of studying medicine.
Searching for new I changed to the University of . Again, I'm not sure what you mean. After you passed your examinations, did you transfer to another university because you wanted a change? ya, right, it is better, when i write: After that I wanted a change so I transferred to the university of ...


I amwould be an enrichment forto your hospital because I have personal attributes like am purposefulness, trustworthiness trustworthy and determined. AdditionalIn addition to my student job as a nursing assistant in Geriatrics, I have sense of responsibility and I am good and friendlywith people.
I would like to meet new challenges and I am always open to learn new work methods.
Furthermore I am confident to I can live up to your expectations.
Thatmy work placement is free of charge, so I would not be financial burdened to your hospital.

I would like you to consider my application and would be pleased to work in your hospital. If you require any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me by phone or mail. I am looking forward to your replay.

Yours faithfully


Enclosure:
...

[karinne]

Additional comments in green

I have already working knowledge for 10 years not sure what you mean by this sentence.... (Oh here i wanted to say that i had english in school for ten years, but i think that is not so important, i think i will cancel this sentence) Additionally I visited a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate for an elective "In addition, I took a language course in English for technical terms in medicine, so I feel that my English is adequate (and I don't know what an elective is in this case)". I mean the clinical elective Okay. In that case I think your wording is fine.
In 2005, I completed my Abitur (university entrance diploma) at a grammar school, which is approximate equivalent to the British A-level.
The emphasis was on biology and German history.
After my Abitur I havestarted my training as an Assistant medical technician in x. Butone year later I got my university place in human medicine in .
ThereAt __ Here i have to write the date, right? Yes. By "At __," I meant "At University XYZ," but perhaps these are not exams given by your university, but national exams? If they are national exams, I would write "On month day, year, I passed my national examinations in....." Sorry, I don't know much about secondary medical education :/ I havesuccessfully passed my examinations in anatomy, biochemistry, physiology, physics, chemistry, biology, psychology and sociology, at the end of after 4 semesters/ 2 years of studying medicine.
Searching for new I changed to the University of . Again, I'm not sure what you mean. After you passed your examinations, did you transfer to another university because you wanted a change? ya, right, it is better, when i write: After that I wanted a change so I transferred to the university of ... Yep, sounds good!

Enclosed:
Curriculum Vitae
Transcript of records
Letter of recommendation
Language Certificate for German Applicants
Medical certificate onof my practical work


Have any of your professors worked or studied in England? Perhaps they could help with specific words related to medical programs, exams, etc.

[kakni]

Hi ,

I think, there are surely professors, who worked in England but I dont know personally someone.
The reason for this applaication is, that i just want to see and learn about medicine in ,,english" so i try to do some days of my clinical elective which are in total 120 days- in England. Maybe i can also fit this reason in my application?
Thanks again for the feedback.

[Delfino]

Hi Karinne,

I think, there are surely some professors who worked in England but I dont know none of them personally.

The main reason for my application is that I just really want to see and learn more about medicine in ,,English".
Therefore I am trying to do (some of) the remaining 30 days of my clinical elective which are in total 120 days in England.
Maybe I can also fit this reason in my application?

Thanks again for your feedback.

[karinne]

The reason for this application is, that i just want to see and learn about medicine in ,,english" so i try to do some days of my clinical elective which are in total 120 days- in England. Maybe i can also fit this reason in my application?.

Good idea! Maybe you could say "I am applying because I want to see and learn (or experience) medicine in English." Do you have a reason for wanting to experience English medicine?

[kakni]

Yes, because i would also like to work outside, for one or two years... in another country or work in international organisations-- so i thought, during my study it is helpfull when I make some experiences outside and in English. Yah !!!, i could also fit this reason in my application.

[karinne]

Cool! Just remember, in English we don't "make experiences," we "have experiences" I think it's great that you want to work in foreign countries. In that case, English will definitely be helpful for you because I believe it is one of the main languages in medicine? Either way, I'm sure you'll learn a lot by doing a clinical elective in England!

[Delfino]

Yes, because I would also like to work in another country or work in international organisations for one or two years later on.
So I thought, it would be helpfull to gain some experiences already during my studies and to improve my English outside Germany.

Yeah !!!, I could also fit this reason in my application.

Cool! Just remembered, in English we don't "make experiences", we "have experiences".
I think it's great that you want to work in foreign countries.
In that case, English will definitely be helpful for you because I believe it is one of the main languages in medicine?
Either way, I'm sure you'll learn a lot by doing a clinical elective in England!

Yes, English is one of the main languages in science these days. Most cutting-edge research is first published in English.

[kakni]

@ karinne
@ delfino

Thanks

Well, i will send now my application to various hospitals in England.