Bewerbung: Bitte um Korrektur

[Cappex]

Hallo,

ich möchte mich bei einer Firma in Dänemark mit einer englischen Bewerbung bewerben. Ich habe einen Covering Letter und ein CV erstellt. Ich hatte in der Schule Englisch, aber ich denke das Wissen ist schon etwas eingestaubt.
(Ich denke mal am CV gibt es weniger zu korregieren, schließlich sind da vor allem Fakten aufgelistet, aber ich lasse mich gerne von eurer Kritik überraschen...
Vlt. könnte jemand bitte mal drüber lesen und mich auf einige Fehler hinweisen

Vielen Dank im Vorfeld.

Covering Letter:

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Dear Sir or Madam,

Application for a placement with the chance to write a bachelor-thesis at your company.

Prof. Dr. *************** informed me about the possibility to write a bachelor-thesis within the field of information technology at your company. The ********* AG with its subsidiary company *************** is an eminent reputable company. For this reason I would like to apply for a placement with the chance to write a bachelor-thesis at *************.

I am presently studying information and communication technology at *******************. During my academic studies I acquired substantiated know-how, I emerged the need to augment my knowledge constantly and I learned how to evaluate current technologies and trends.

Beside my studies I have been employed at a medium-sized software house in *********** and performed several activities which you can gather from the enclosures. Thereby I had the chance to earn practical experience in the range of software-engineering and I learned to master miscellaneous proceedings and technologies.

In accordance with my curriculum, my placement should last five months from ***** to ********* 2011.

With me you will have a skilled, ambitious, willing to learn and friendly student apprentice that works well in a team and is able and willing to use his knowledge and skill to make a contribution to the success of your tasks and projects.

For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Yours sincerely,




M************ *************

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Curriculum Vitae

Personal Profile

Name M*********

Date of birth **/**/****

Address *************

***** *****

Telephone 0049 *** ******

Email **********

Nationality German


Work Experience

04/**** - 04/**** Partner & Software Engineer, *********
Specification and Implementation of a social network software based on PHP, MySQL, JavaScript and Ajax.


07/**** - 07/**** Freelance Software Engineer, *********
Implementation of a content management system. Specification and implementation of various costumer projects.


04/**** - now Partner & Technical Director, ***********
Responsibility for specification, implementation, maintenance and operation of a rich internet application.


08/**** - now Working Student, **********
Software development – independent and in teams. Dealing with legacy systems.


Education

07/**** - 07/**** Public Primary School *****, ******.


07/**** - 07/**** Evangelic Grammar School, *****,
General qualification for university entrance.


08/**** - 09/**** University ****************, ****,
Information and communication technologies,
Bachelor of Engineering.

Skills

Ich habe im Lebenslauf recht umfangreiche Skills aufgezählt, ich denke aber diese sind für die Korrektur unrelevant. Es handelt sich hauptsächlich im Markennamen von Produkten etc.


References

References are available on request.


So, das war es.
Vielen Dank schonmal

[Delfino]

(subject line before greeting)

Covering Letter:

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Application for a placement with the chance to write a bachelor thesis at your company.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Prof. Dr. *** informed me about the possibility to write a bachelor thesis within the field of information technology at your company. The *** AG with its subsidiary company *** is a respected and highly thought of company. For this reason I would like to apply for a placement with the chance to write a bachelor thesis at ***.

I am currently studying information and communication technology (Studiengänge werden großgeschrieben) at ***. During my academic studies I acquired an more in-depth understanding of .... I am constantly extending my knowledge which enables me to evaluate current technologies and trends.

In addition to my studies I have been employed at a medium-sized software house in ***. My responcibilities and the tasks I performed are described in the enclosed ... . Thereby I had the chance to gain practical experience in the area of software engineering. I learned to master miscellaneous proceedings and technologies. (be more specific - provide details)

In accordance with my curriculum my work placement should last five months from *** to *** 2011.

With me you will have a skilled, ambitious and friendly student apprentice who is eager to learn and works well in a team. I would enjoy using my knowledge and skills to contribute to the success of your projects.

For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Yours sincerely,

M*** ***


I hope the enclosed document you are refering to is in English.
I'd suggest using shorter sentences and avoid a literal translation of German sentences.

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Curriculum Vitae

...

Ich habe im Lebenslauf recht umfangreiche Skills aufgezählt, ich denke aber diese sind für die Korrektur unrelevant.
Es handelt sich hauptsächlich im Markennamen von Produkten etc.

You should inform yourself about the Europass CV or the British way of structuring a CV.
Please avoid a literal translation of your German CV.

References are available upon request.