Bitte um Korrektur oder Verbesserungsvorschläge

[saturn]

Guten Morgen. Ich hoffe, dass dieser Text nicht allzu verwirrend ist und ich die Kommas richtig gesetzt habe.


Ann, the girlfriend of Chris, takes an active part in making Joe's, Chris' father, accept guilt because Joe has made the mistake with twenty -one dead soldiers during the Second World War. Ann thinks that her old boyfriend Larry, Chris' brother, died because of this mistake. But Larry has killed himself because he is ashamed of his father Joe that Joe has made the mistake and then he did his work further. Ann is angry about Joe, so that she wants to go to Cleveland with Chris. Ann promises Chris that she does not ask Chris to do anything about his father. Chris says to Ann that she would ask him this question , but Ann says no. Chris does not believe it and says that Ann would ask him. The answer of Ann is: "Then do what you have to do!"" It seems that Ann hopes that Chris finds a reason to send his father Joe to prison. At the end, Ann does not want that Chris goes and so she tries all that Chris stay at home.

Dieser Text gehört zu einem Essay, wo ich diese Frage beantworten musste.

Vielen, vielen Dank im Voraus.
LG

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Guten Morgen. Ich hoffe, dass dieser Text nicht allzu verwirrend ist und ich die Kommas richtig gesetzt habe.

Ann, the girlfriend of Chris, takes an active part in making Joe's, Chris' father, accept guilt because Joe has made the mistake with twenty -one dead soldiers during the Second World War. Ann thinks that her old boyfriend Larry, Chris' brother, died because of this mistake. But Larry has killed himself because he is ashamed of his father Joe that Joe has made the mistake and then he did his work further. Ann is angry about Joe, so that she wants to go to Cleveland with Chris. Ann promises Chris that she does not ask Chris to do anything about his father. Chris says to Ann that she would ask him this question , but Ann says no. Chris does not believe it and says that Ann would ask him. The answer of Ann is: "Then do what you have to do!"" It seems that Ann hopes that Chris finds a reason to send his father Joe to prison. At the end, Ann does not want that Chris goes and so she tries all that Chris stay at home.

Dieser Text gehört zu einem Essay, wo ich diese Frage beantworten musste.

Vielen, vielen Dank im Voraus.
LG

Hallo saturn,

bald werden wir das Stück auch allein von Deinen Zusammenfassungen her kennen, was?
Nun ist mir hier etwas aufgefallen: Du erzählst nach, indem Du mehr oder weniger den Inhalt der gesprochenen Sprache indirekt wiederholst. Das liest sich nicht besonders schön und ist auch ab und zu recht verwirrend. Natürlich ist dies hauptsächlich eine Hausaufgabe, aber mein Wunsch ist auch, dass Du daraus etwas für die nächsten Aufgaben lernst, deshalb möchte ich Dich gerne ermutigen, am Stil etwas zu ändern.
Dafür müsstest Du Dir die Arbeit machen, im Wörterbuch nach Begriffen zu suchen, die die Struktur Deiner Sätze ändern können.

Ein Beispiel:

Ann, the girlfriend of Chris, takes an active part in making Joe's, Chris' father, accept guilt because Joe has made the mistake with twenty -one dead soldiers during the Second World War. Ann thinks that her old boyfriend Larry, Chris' brother, died because of this mistake. But Larry has killed himself because he is ashamed of his father Joe that Joe has made the mistake and then he did his work further.

Ann plays an active part in making Joe accept his guilt. Because of his actions, 21 soldiers died in the Second World War. She is Chris' girlfriend now but used to go out with his late brother Larry. Though he did not die directly as a result of his father's mistake, he later killed himself because he could not stand the shame of seeing Joe resume his work as if nothing had happened.

So etwa in der Art. Es müssen auch nicht lange Sätze sein, eigentlich sogar eher kürzere, das mag die englische Sprache viel lieber. Versuchst Du es mal?!

Liebe Grüße
Duckduck